25 Intentionally and Unintentionally Crazy Celebrity Quotes

Axl Rose

Axl Rose

“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

Tina Fey

Tina Fey

“I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.”



Sean Connery

Sean Connery

“I like women. I don’t understand them, but I like them.”

(You're not alone, brother).

Al Pacino

Al Pacino

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”



Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson

“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.”

Yes, she really did ask that question....

Melissa Etheridge

Melissa Etheridge

“This (Oscar statue) is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”



Kanye West

Kanye West

“I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.”

50 Cent

50 Cent

“I can’t believe my grand mothers making me take out the garbage. I’m rich. Fuck this, I’m going home. I don’t need this shit."



Denise Richards

Denise Richards

“I am truly not one to give advice. I’m divorced, and I stole my best friend’s husband.”

We admire her honesty ...among other things.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”

Ummmm....



Pete Sampras

Pete Sampras

“I didn’t have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.”

Britney Spears

Britney Spears

“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa."

Pardon?



Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus

“I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever.”

Kid Rock

Kid Rock

“If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I’d turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.”



Jack Nicholson

Jack Nicholson

“I hate when people say ‘Nice to meet you’ before I’ve even said anything. How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m an asshole.”

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera

“I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”



Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger

“The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.”

May we all have plenty of both!

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?”

Yeah, that's exactly what they do. They sell wall stuff.



Bette Midler

Bette Midler

“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?"

...She makes a valid (tongue-in-cheek) point.

Geri Halliwell

Geri Halliwell

“First my mother was Spanish. Then she became a Jehovah’s Witness.”

Does Geri know that being Spanish is not a religion?



George Clooney

George Clooney

“Run for office? No. I’ve slept with too many women, I’ve done too many drugs, and I’ve been to too many parties.”

We find that totally productive. There's no way to speak to the country and understand them unless you've done everything, right? I'd vote for him.

Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne

“I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning, and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this five times, and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”

 



Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul

“I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.”

Us too...

Kanye West

Kanye West

"I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like, "Oh great, now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle."

There's a million others we could have chosen, obviously.



Betty White

Betty White

“Why do people say ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina – those things take a pounding!”

Betty White is the coolest person on the planet.