25 Fascinating Facts About Penises

What A Long Tail You Have!

What A Long Tail You Have!

The word "penis" is derived from its Latin meaning "tail". I don't know if I'm weird (I've only seen mine) but mine's on the front, unlike an actual tail.

Extra Large

Extra Large

According to data compiled by sales figures of condom manufacturers, about 6% of men require extra large condoms. This, despite the significantly larger percentage of dudes who make the claim.



Your Adolf

Your Adolf

There are, of course, a whole heap of different terms that are used around the world to refer to the penis. Some of these include Adolf, anaconda, baby-maker, yogurt gun, joy stick, jimmy, skin flute, love muscle, prong, cock, pork sword, pink cigar, and many, many more.

Hung Like A Primate

Hung Like A Primate

The human penis is larger than any other primate.

Winning!!



Congratulations!

Congratulations!

The biggest penis in the world belongs to the blue whale. The lucky guy has a member somewhere around the 8 to 10 feet mark. It's usually something like 12 to 14 inches in girth. If that was me, I'd strut around quite confidently.

The Pronged Prong

The Pronged Prong

Domestic cats (as well as tigers and cheetahs) have barbed penises with little backward-facing spines. This is probably an evolutionary hangover which allowed the beasts a greater chance of successful mating in the face of competition from other males.



Boner

Boner

Although humans don't (unless there's something seriously wrong with you - weirdo!), most mammals have a bone in their boner, called a baculum.

 

Off With His Skin!

Off With His Skin!

Doctors are able to use the discarded skin from a human penis to grow more skin for skin grafts for burns victims. Isn't it comforting to think your dick could have been used for good, even if you can't use it for good yourself?



Short-Changed Gorilla

Short-Changed Gorilla

A gorilla is an imposing looking fella, and in comparison, our cousins the chimpanzees are considerably smaller. Despite this, a chimp has a penis about twice the size of a gorilla. Suddenly, gorillas aren't as imposing.

The Oldest Cock

The Oldest Cock

The oldest-known species in the world with a penis is known as Colymbosathon ecplecticos.

The name in Greek means “amazing swimmer with large penis”. Probably.



What A Lucky Guy!

What A Lucky Guy!

I don't know who undertook the initial research here, but it is said that only 1 in 400 men has the flexibility to give himself head. Then, there's the issue if whether or not he'd actually want to, to which the answer is almost certainly "no (but secretly yes)".

Growers and Showers

Growers and Showers

...are the two types of dicks.

A grower looks humble on the flop but grows significantly when there's a job to be done, while a shower is imposing as it hangs like a big old bell, but doesn't get too much more impressive when it goes from six to midnight.



All The Pussy

All The Pussy

King Fatefehi of Tonga supposedly de-virgined 37,800 women back in the late 1700s (1770-84).

Historical Cocks

Historical Cocks

In Iceland, there's a penis museum.



What's Average?

What's Average?

Drum roll please..............

The average size is 5 to 6 inches erect (ha!) and 3.5 inches on the flop.

Short Dick Man

Short Dick Man

Because of the potentially detrimental effect smoking can have on the circulatory system, it can affect blood vessels in such a way that it could reduce the potential size of a penis by up to half an inch.

By the way, this is the worst song ever.



Double Barrel

Double Barrel

"Diphallus" is the term given to the unfortunate situation in which a man might be born with two dicks. "Well, he's got two hands..." I hear you reason, however, it's not as simple as that. It's usually a case of one penis being in full working condition while the other just hangs there looking pathetic. About a hundred dudes around the world are known to suffer from the condition.

Let This (Penis) Be A Warning To You!

Let This (Penis) Be A Warning To You!

Baboons and squirrel monkeys are known to use their penises to gesture a threat to predators, or to warn of danger. It's much the same way as I use mine to direct traffic.



That's Not Going In There!

That's Not Going In There!

The largest terrestrial penis belongs to the an elephant. Usually, they measure in at about 6 feet! But to make things even weirder, their yogurt guns take an S-shape when at full mast.

Four-Pronged Attack

Four-Pronged Attack

While most marsupials (those guys with pouches like a kangaroo - 99% of the world's marsupials are in Australia) have a "bifurcated penis" (double barrel) for their mate's two vaginas, when it comes to monotremes (mammals that lay eggs - platypus and echidna, also in Australia, with one species of echidna found in Papua New Guinea) it gets weirder.

Male echidnas have a four-headed penis! It's true! We could have included a photo of it here but we were concerned you might pass out from the shock of it, and so perhaps it's best to Google it.



Angel Lust

Angel Lust

According to witnesses, it is not uncommon for men who have been hanged to get a death erection which is referred to as "angel lust". Out of respect for the deceased we're not going to make any jokes about getting a "stiffy".

Post Title here..

Post Title here..

According to the internet, the average speed of yogurt flying from a yogurt gun (male ejaculation) is 28 miles per hour. Seriously, who does the research on this stuff?!



Helmets

Helmets

While only 30% of men in the world over the age of 15 have been circumcised (according to the WHO), 70% of those men are either Jewish or Muslim). Strangely enough, arund 80% of men in the United States are circumcised.

Wear a helmet ....for safety!

Penis Specifics

Penis Specifics

Studies have shown that, in general, women who achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation are more concerned with the size of a penis than others. I guess that makes sense.



The Long And Short Of It

The Long And Short Of It

Again, we don't know who took the time to do this research (or maybe we do and our grandma was involved or some other such embarrassment) but, as it turns out, the shortest human penis on record was 5/8 of an inch, while the largest ever measured was 13 inches (of pain - probably).