12 Very Desperate First Date Texts

Let's Get Married?!

Let's Get Married?!

Was there really no prompting or reply in between these messages?! Runs for the hills, we've got a psycho!

Days Inn and Chill

Days Inn and Chill

Not really.

Serious Juices

Serious Juices

The thing about dishing out compliments is that you're supposed to be able to do it without coming across as the creepiest person they've heard from that day.

Congrats on Not Being A Slag

Congrats on Not Being A Slag

Way to make a girl feel special. Unfortunately, she won't be able to congratulate you on not being a creepy jerk, on account of the fact that you are quite obviously a creepy jerk.

You're So Cocky

You're So Cocky

And here we were thinking that the polite thing to do for anyone who doesn't suffer from a severe self-esteem problem is politely say "thank you" to a compliment... Apparently we were wrong.

Monthsary

Monthsary

Yep, it's creepy and quite frankly, based on the fact it appears to indicate that the occasion marks a month since the messages started as opposed to dating, perhaps it's time to just get the opinion of someone with legal experience. But what really concerns me here is that they've invented the word "monthsary". I mean, if you really need to make a hybrid then please, by all means go with "monthaversary" but I don't know what "monthsary" is. Nobody does. It's stupid. You suck.

Creepy Clockwork

Creepy Clockwork

Even though "how r u"is one of the worst ways to start a conversation with someone you like (just ask literally anyone who has ever had success on Tinder), it still beats the time of day reminders that Mark chose to lead with. Lucked out this time, dude!

The Devil Wants My Soul

The Devil Wants My Soul

She sounds like a lot of fun...for someone else.

I Miss You To The Value Of A Cent

I Miss You To The Value Of A Cent

Nothing says "I miss you" like electronic currency to the value of a cent.

Up The Value!

Up The Value!

So it hasn't worked yet... I'd consider putting the dollar value up. I mean, you're sort of still comparing the whole thing to prostitution in a way, so since you're in the habit of putting a dollar value on the body of a woman you might as well put the value up. I mean fuck, it's not like you actually have to part with the cash anyway!!

The Sane One

The Sane One

What this person didn't consider is that perhaps they are an absolute nightmare to be around and that speaking in Hebrew the whole time was a form of entertainment, until that too got boring and they spent the rest of the time choosing subjects that they hoped might make you want to leave.

Either that, or somehow we've been teleported to a quasi world where you're the sane one...

Too Naked?

Too Naked?

I don't see a problem with this one. I mean, you're either naked or not, right? How can someone be "too naked"? It's like saying the words "I'm sort of pregnant" or "I'm slightly dead".

Whatever, it sounds like there was a happy ending and that makes us warm in the tummy!