20 Inappropriate But Funny Tweets About Christmas

THE WHOLE THING!

THE WHOLE THING!

Well, this all just sounds unnecessarily brutal to me!

Die For A Tie

Die For A Tie

At the risk of saying the obvious here; perhaps it's a really good thing that this dude does not have children. They'd probably be dead already on account of some other non-legit reason.

You'll Just Know

You'll Just Know

They say that when it's time, you'll just know. I often wondered the same thing but then I just learned to come to terms and be at peace with it. Just let these things happen organically and have faith that when the time comes, you'll just know. And if you find it helps, try like, yoga or something. xxx

McRib

McRib

It's a great idea in theory but then you're already beginning to hit on the issues involved. Perhaps you could just eat the McRib...? I know it's a novel idea but hey, these situations demand thinking outside the square.

Undo The Bolts

Undo The Bolts

I feel like this would solve the problem.

Pac-Man Xmas

Pac-Man Xmas

Like it's any different to any other day of Pac-Man's life!

I See No Problem Here

I See No Problem Here

Kids suck, that's why - and they're ugly as sin, too! You can't go jeopardizing the integrity and beauty of photos just to guarantee the inclusion of your offspring. That's just crazy!

Life Is Finite

Life Is Finite

You needn't worry too much about that. At some point, she'll die and then it will stop being an issue.

Foreclosure

Foreclosure

"Foreclosure" brings with it an inherent feeling of sadness in the word itself. There was no need to drag ginger or bread in to this!

Christmas In May

Christmas In May

This seems reasonable. Why not kill both of those pesky birds with the same stone? It's only about 5 months difference. That's nothing!

I'm Busy

I'm Busy

Wouldn't it be great if we could just tell the truth? I mean, if it were me on the other side of the coin, instead of hearing "I'm petting this dog", etc, I'd prefer, "You're boring me to the point I'm considering shaving my nipples off just to feel something".

Tig Flack Pildo

Tig Flack Pildo

Why does the fact that it's flack come in to it? I mean, seriously, why does this dude feel the need to tell us that this tig pildo is flack? Seems racist to me.

The No-Fly Zone

The No-Fly Zone

What are the other reasons?

Ke$ha

Ke$ha

I wanted to make a joke about Dr Luke but I'm afraid that I might end up getting sued so I'm just going to let this guy take care of the jokes.

That Special Time Of The Year

That Special Time Of The Year

Bae caught me sleeping, etc....

Non-Denom

Non-Denom

Well you certainly don't own yourself a non-denominational, celebratory 25th of December sweater, do you?

Carolers Are A Menace

Carolers Are A Menace

Same thing happened to me except they also raped my dog. What's with that?

Christmas Hoarder

Christmas Hoarder

Forgive me but I'd like to offer you a little bit of relationship advice if you'll excuse my boldness. If it really is your true love then he/she will love you even with all your imperfections. You're a delicate flower but you're also a beautiful bird with wings to spread. You're also any other semi-applicable metaphor that I can't think of which happens to make you feel better about yourself and all your issues and baggage.

Self-Esteem and Christmas

Self-Esteem and Christmas

She only does it to make you feel better about yourself and give you a purpose. She feels sorry for you that you haven't achieved your goals and can't get a date. At least this way, you may stumble upon some semblance of what they call "self-esteem".

You're welcome. Don't forget to thank your mother too.

Kancer

Kancer

I'd be offended if I were a member of the Kardashian family, however, although I'm no medical health professional, I'm pretty sure that being offended doesn't result in cancer. So who gives a shit, right?