20 Of The Best Drunk Text Of All Time

White Girl Wasted

White Girl Wasted

This chick is trying to ruin the other girl's buzz. It seems unfair really, don't you think?

Haunt Me

Haunt Me

I'd like to know what the dude meant by "haunt". Like, I can have a guess but I'd really like to know exactly what he meant, just for my own peace of mind.



Hamster Balls

Hamster Balls

This is plain old animal cruelty. We shoudl report this dude to the authorities. Seriously.

A Real Friend

A Real Friend

It sounds to me like this "freind" spends way to much time documenting his buddy's escapade and not enough times trying to prevent them. I know what a real friend would do....



I Want Answers

I Want Answers

The obvious question is; where did he go? Doesn't anybody else want to know the answer to that question? Why aren't we being provided with such answers? This is ridiculous!

I Want To Party

I Want To Party

Sometimes, you make friends for life by accident. Then again, sometimes you make your life shorter by accident. Both of which conspire to make this a tough one to deal with. The guy who sent the initial message could be on the verge of making a BFF or (perhaps somewhat morbidly) be on the verge of finding himself locked in a basement.

It's the flip of a coin really.



Paper Plates

Paper Plates

To me, that just sounds like good old-fashioned fun. It's kind of like the opening sequence to The Simpsons, isn't it? Paper plate or no paper plate, at least everybody got home safe - there's really no need for name-calling!

I Know Your Secret

I Know Your Secret

Does anyone get the feeling that this dude was perhaps a little more than just "drunk"?



Mom-Level Drunk

Mom-Level Drunk

It probably doesn't happen all that often (unless you're really unlucky and your mom is an alcoholic who takes out all her insecurities on you in nasty fashion - but let's not bring the mood down) and so when it does, you really should milk it for all it's worth.

This child is showing amazing restraint, so far...

I'm So Happy

I'm So Happy

...And another drunk mom. The great thing to see is that, drunk or sober, everybody's on the same page about the whole choosing to "keep you" thing.



Mushrooms

Mushrooms

Mushrooms. Honestly, that's literally all that needs to be said. Mushrooms.

How Drunk Can You Even Get?

How Drunk Can You Even Get?

How do all these people keep getting so drunk that they think they're in video games or that they can talk to machines ....and whatever this is?! I've never been that drunk, and believe me, I've tried!



See?!

See?!

Remember what I was telling you about mushrooms...?

I Wanna Goose

I Wanna Goose

I don't know what a "goose" is in terms of potential sexual acts but it sounds like fun. Especially when it seems as though it is logically followed by the "Mallard". I don't know about you, but I want to be Mallarded so hard right now!



FarmVille

FarmVille

Fuck FarmVille indeed. Nobody cares about that shit anymore!

Definitely...

Definitely...

I have never met this dude, nor do I have the slightest idea what he's going on about. However, I can tell you one thing about him; he's a virgin.



Five Knuckle Shuffle

Five Knuckle Shuffle

We know that dad has at least two kids which means he's been laid at least twice. Maybe he has some wisdom he could pass on to his son so that he can stop concerning himself with the old five-knuckle shuffle.

The Man With The Strange Face

The Man With The Strange Face

What a patient and considerate dude this guy with the strange face is. I'd have just kicked him out and wished him good luck with the rest of his life. There are some good people in this world....



Poor Pussy

Poor Pussy

On one hand it's kind of funny, but then again, we don't know that this dude is drunk. In fact, we don't know that it's a dude. I mean, imagine if this is a chick... Not that it's worse, or better for that matter, just that the degree of difficulty makes it way more impressive.

That's 7 Babies!

That's 7 Babies!

That's way too many babies to consume in one evening!