20 People Share The Stupidest Things They've Ever Said On A Date

Where'd You Get Those?

Where'd You Get Those?

When I was 17 a girl messaged me on myspace wanting to hang out. I thought she was pretty cute so I agreed to meet her for some games at her place which her family joined in on.

She had on a shirt with really short sleeves revealing a few horizontal, parallel lines just below her shoulder. Wanting to make light conversation and being the "funny" guy that I am, I asked, "Where'd you get those cuts on your arms? Do you cut yourself?"

As soon as I finished cracking that "joke", my sheltered Utah childhood came crashing down around me as I realized that people actually did do that, and I'd just called one out right in front of her family.

- TherapistNinja

7 8 9

7 8 9

I went a date with this guy back in college who was majoring in math. I told him that really stupid joke "Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9."

He didn't laugh.

- Anonymous



Work It

Work It

Technically the date had finished, and she'd invited me back to her place.

While in her room, we were slow dancing, solid, deep eye contact. I was going in for the kiss, she was deliberately teasing me by pulling away or brushing my lips with hers, had her fingers in my hair, I had my nails running down her back, the sexual tension was like electricity in the air.

She leans forward, kisses my neck and whispers in my ear "Have you ever had to work this hard before?"

"Yes."

- kingofvodka

Seinfeld

Seinfeld

One time on the first date between me and this girl the topic of underwear came up. We were talking about which we liked, and which we didn't like. Stupid stuff you only talk about to make conversation. At one I responded to her "You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"It was a shotty reference at best, and not very funny. She had never even watched Seinfeld. The next couple minutes were a little awkward, trying to pretend I didn't just say something that stupid.

- StewieBanana



I Should Tell You Something

I Should Tell You Something

Not something I said, but was said to me.

I am taking the dude home after a somewhat awkward first date. I wasn't too into him and he was just so obviously nervous. As I am turning into the parking lot where his car is he mentions he wants to tell me something, but it too embarrassed/nervous.

"Um, I should tell you something."

"Yes?"

"No, nevermind."

"Just tell me. I hate when people do that. Go ahead."

"Well... I just thought you should know that... I'm uncircumcised."

"Oh... ok."

In my head: WHAT THE HECK. I don't care that your uncircumcised and I'm kind of offended that you feel the need to tell me anything about your penis on our first date. I doubted very much that I would be seeing that penis anytime soon. I was so embarrassed for him!

10 months later... We live together and I see that penis far too often.

- electropulses

Thought I Had A Mono

Thought I Had A Mono

My date was telling me how she had mono a year or two prior, and I replied "Yeah, I thought I had mono for an entire year, turns out I was just really bored" ala Wayne's World. We are engaged now.

- MachThreve

 



Love in the Time of Cholera

Love in the Time of Cholera

Visiting Manhattan, watching a Rangers game in a bar by myself. Cute girl comes up and starts chatting with me, mentions that she's Dominican. I don't remember my exact words but I somehow brought up Cholera in the first 30 seconds and that was that.

- Ignostic5

The Blood Of A Virgin

The Blood Of A Virgin

One time I was kind of on a "hang-out" date with a girl and we were watching a movie over at my apartment. We were holding hands and she started innocently stroking my arm.

She asks "how do you get your skin so soft" without missing a beat I reply with a whisper "I bathe in virgin's blood" ...later I found out that she was, in fact, a virgin.

- Anonymous



Think First

Think First

"Hey look you have a nervous tic.... oh, it's getting worse".

- Anonymous

Stupider Girls

Stupider Girls

Wanting to compliment on my date's intelligence I said:

"I have met stupider girls than you, so you are really ok".

- ceaRshaf



Do I Need To Hold You Back?

Do I Need To Hold You Back?

It wasn't a date per se, but very early on in my relationship with my ex we were on the train from CT to NY and sitting across the aisle from us was a young woman with an adorable puppy. After my ex let out an audible "aww," I somehow managed to say "I love f-----g dogs" instead of "I ... love dogs."

His response was "Do I need to hold you back?"

- DynamicImpulses

The Cat, The Pillowcase And The Shovel

The Cat, The Pillowcase And The Shovel

Met a guy on vacation. Chatted online for a while, liked each other. Decided to have our first "real" date. While eating, guy told me a story about the time his father shoved a cat in a pillowcase and slammed it into the pavement. Told him his story was horrible and to stop talking. He apologized. Tried to make me feel better by reassuring me that afterwards, his father bashed it's head in with a shovel.

- LissieRae06



Your Sister

Your Sister

"So, your profile picture, was that your sister or something?"

- string97bean

Think Of Something Funny...

Think Of Something Funny...

When I was 16 I was on a date and in an attempt to be funny (because you know, girls like funny guys) I racked my brain trying to come up with a funny story.

The first thing to popup in my mind was a story a friend had once told me, about a jacket he had seen one of his girl friends wearing. The brand was Identity, and the name was displayed centered on the front of the jacket, with the zip splitting the word in half. Iden | tity. Now, to a 16 year old guy's mind, that is hilarious. A girl walking around with the word "tity", basically labelling her tity's?

So I told the story and started laughing! She looks up at me with a completely numb face, and then looks down at her jacket.

This was 2 hours or so into the date. I hadn't noticed that she was wearing the exact jacket I was making fun of.

- lacktoes



When I Had Smaller Balls

When I Had Smaller Balls

I was at my ex-girlfriend's house and she broke up with me.

I pretty much begged, and while begging, used a phrase that will haunt my manhood and the manhood of every man in existence. I used a phrase that should only be used for the most manly of times.

"Put me back in the game coach!"

I've since grown bigger balls.

- JimmyBojangles1

Accidental Incest

Accidental Incest

This was more just me hanging out with a girl I had been dating for a little while. We were talking and she brought up the fact that her biological father was a sperm donor. We had already talked about this before and I didn't really have anything particular to keep that conversation going besides "That really increases your chances of accidental incest, you know."

- Bendubendubendu



Blind

Blind

I asked a blind date if she had any cute single friends.

- Anonymous

The Sex

The Sex

I was on a date with a lovely girl, we'd been out a few times before and really hit it off. I had a notion that this was going to be the first night we'd have sex (she asked if she could stay the night at my place since she lived across town and we were drinking) so I was more nervous than normal.

We finished dinner, ordered some after-dinner drinks and the check came. I prefer to pay on dates, but she didn't like the fact that I'd paid for everything so she demanded to pick up the check. I was going to offer to pay the tip, but I was thinking about sex (per usual) so I said to her "At least let me pay for the sex."

I didn't even realize what I'd said, but her face went from a smile to a quizzical half-frown... and then she burst out laughing. She asked me if I knew what I just said and I said that I'd asked to pay for the tip. She informed me of what I'd actually said and I turned beet red, apologizing profusely.

We left the restaurant, I offered to pay her cab fare home if she was uncomfortable. She declined and whispered "The sex is free" in my ear.

We'll celebrate our 4th anniversary on Thursday.

- Anonymous



How Serial Killers Are Made

How Serial Killers Are Made

Me and this girl (cousin of a friend from school) were on a date, I had just finished telling her a story about a dramatic event that happened to me when I was younger.

She said "wow, that's how serial killers are made."

A very dumb comment but I thought it opened up the door for me to say "how do you know I'm not."

Apparently it didn't come off as light hearted as I thought.

The rest of the night was just downhill and awkward. The goodbye was "see ya".

I called her 2 days later and left a message, she never called back and I just left it alone.

- Badluck90

This Big

This Big

After a night out with this girl I've been courting, we went back to my place and started fooling around. We got into my room where she knelt down and began to take my pants off.

Once I was naked she said "wow you're really big". Trying to be humble, I responded "nah, I've seen bigger"

It was very awkward.

- brumbrum21