20 Texts From Your Dog (If Dogs Could Text)

Tasted Important

Tasted Important

As it turns out, your dog is an absolute smart ass!

Sneaky Bastard

Sneaky Bastard

You know what, I think it would be decidedly easier to catch that tail if the dog put the phone down and concentrated on the matter at hand instead of giving its owner a play-by-play!

Wasting Paper

Wasting Paper

To be fair to the dog, he does have a valid point about the whole imagination thing. Then again, on the side of the owner, the dog doesn't need to wipe his ass and so isn't really capable of grasping the issue.

Quick Pick-Me-Up

Quick Pick-Me-Up

The fact that I can't get that excited about something as simple as a tennis ball kind of makes me a little depressed. Now I'm jealous of a dog! FML

You're Home!

You're Home!

Wanting something so bad that you imagine it in to reality is not healthy, even for a dog.

The Fleatles

The Fleatles

I'm no canine psychologist or anything but doesn't naming parasites and calling them friends hint at some sort of emotional neglect? Maybe this poor guy's owner should hang more.

Human Jokes

Human Jokes

Don't worry too much big guy, I'm sure there are actual people out there who don't understand this joke, so you're not alone.

Think It Through

Think It Through

That is true, in trying to create a scenario which might please his mother, what you'll actually do is have his mom consider that it might be time to put him in a mental facility. Then the dog will have nowhere to go. That's why it's best to think things through first.

He Wants To Text You

He Wants To Text You

I'm with him. Benedict creeps me out too.

Thunder Twonk

Thunder Twonk

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being called "Thunder Twonk". It's way more interesting and original than "James".

Game. Set. Match.

Game. Set. Match.

This is hilarious and all, but does this dog plan on pushing his luck so far that the owner has finally had enough? I mean, in that case, he could end up in the pound! And they say dogs are smart...

Tell My Story

Tell My Story

That sounds like my last Friday night except I laughed at my fart rather than barking at it. It's only because I'm incapable of barking. I think that braking would be cool.

This dog had a better day than me...

You've Let Jesus Down

You've Let Jesus Down

That's pretty impressive to pull it down in such quick time but I wonder if you got it all back in the box. It's not a record unless you packed it away all neat and stuff. Perhaps it was you who let Jesus down!

Pets Before Sex

Pets Before Sex

The words "pets" and "sex" shouldn't even be in the same sentence. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable somehow. Having said that, it's very convenient (and a little bit hilarious) that "owner" and "boner" rhyme.

Cut My Balls Off

Cut My Balls Off

That's always going to be there as a back-up for any argument. No matter what happens, you can't take away the fact that you cut the little guy's balls off. So brutal!

Snowy's Here To Pick Me Up

Snowy's Here To Pick Me Up

Snowy looks quite responsible to me. I mean, I have absolutely no idea who's controlling the pedals but hey, if Snowy says he knows what he's doing then I'm inclined to believe him.

I Got Two Breakfasts!

I Got Two Breakfasts!

This highlights one of the major differences between a pet and an actual human adult. As a human adult, the fact that you can simply get yourself a second breakfast at any point you feel like it, kind of takes the shine off having a second breakfast. But as a dog, given that it is kind of forbidden, it makes it extra special - perhaps the best day of your life!

This Dog Is Good

This Dog Is Good

You really can't blame the dog. If the owner didn't give the dog such extreme challenges, then it wouldn't be as "match fit" and wouldn't have been able to back one out so damn quickly.

Let's Get Fat

Let's Get Fat

Fat does sound awesome, doesn't it? I mean, a dog isn't really concerned with image (especially if he's had his balls chopped off) and since matters of health and heart disease are way more boring to discuss than breakfast, I'd say let's have an extra breakfast!

Rap Trapped

Rap Trapped

All this sucka needed to do is stop asking his dog questions and he would have got rap trapped.