25 Of The Wittiest Insults In History From Famous People

Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali

"If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you."

Beethoven

Beethoven

"I like your opera. I think I will set it to music."

Okay, so there's only a small amount of people in the wider community that could get away with using this one, but that's no reason to leave it out...



Mae West

Mae West

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Burned!!

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein

"Only two things are infinite– the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the former."

Not the sort of dude we're about to challenge on matters of intelligence...



Elizabeth Taylor

Elizabeth Taylor

"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."

As far as we're aware, this is a burn and she did not star in any bestiality porn.

Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill

In a parliament hearing, someone asked the great leader something along the lines of "Must you fall asleep while a fellow MP is talking" to which he replied, "No, it's purely voluntary."



Margaret Thatcher

Margaret Thatcher

"If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."

How does one thatch, exactly?

Kurt Vonnegut Jr

Kurt Vonnegut Jr

"If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off."



Ghandi

Ghandi

He was asked what he thought about Western Civilization, to which he simply replied, "I think it would be a good idea."

See what he did there....?

Nick Faldo

Nick Faldo

"We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, the marriage lasted four and a half years."

What a fantastic advertisement for the institution of marriage!



John Adams

John Adams

"In my many years, I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."

Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde

"Thinking is the most unhealthy disease in the world, and people die of it just as they die of any disease. Luckily, in England at any rate, thought is not catching."

Oscar Wilde - some great quotes on a variety of subjects and always good for a healthy dose of optimistic pessimism.



Mark Twain

Mark Twain

"The trouble ain't there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."

Catherine the Great

Catherine the Great

"If you won't be a good example, then you'll have to be a horrible warning."



Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you– he really is an idiot."

Just a straight-up idiot, then..?

Charlotte Whitton

Charlotte Whitton

"Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

Yes, she was a feminist.



Grouch Marx again...

Grouch Marx again...

"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception."

King Edward VIII

King Edward VIII

"The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children."



Clive James

Clive James

"(President Gerald Ford) was more than enough to remind you that the nuclear button was at one stage at the disposal of a man who might have either pressed it by mistake or else pressed it deliberately in order to obtain room service.”

Oscar Wilde back at it again...

Oscar Wilde back at it again...

"Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go".



Calvin Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge

When questioned on an opera singer's "execution" the President said, "I'm all for it."

Man, they must have been pretty bad!

Winston Chruchill again...

Winston Chruchill again...

"Americans will always try to do the right thing– after they've tried everything else."

Damn, Winston! Back at it again with the insults!



Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

"Prince Charles's ears are so big, he could hang-glide over the Falklands!"

Well they aren't small ears and this has not been proven to be false, so....

Billy Wildler

Billy Wildler

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

All we can hope is that he is indeed commenting from a metaphorical standpoint.



Mitlon Berle

Mitlon Berle

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

Have you seen a cheesier grin than this guy?!