15 Awesomely Unnecessary Keychains

Workout

Workout

It is amazing that gym-goers often feel guilty for skipping leg day and yet there are other parts of the body that are being more neglected. Like your fingers for example. That is precisely where this things comes in.

Dr Who

Dr Who

I’ve never been a big fan of Dr Who and it’s not because I don’t want to be associated with nerds. I’m a nerd in other ways. I’m a nerd who likes to surf on the back of a whale whilst chugging beer – yeah, I’m that uncool. Plus “Dr Who” always sounds like it should be a question.

"Stache Ring

"Stache Ring

Well, hello there to you too…. The interesting thing that this keychain does is remind me that keychains can be used to keep things you might actually need in an emergency. And yet, I have never found myself in need of an emergency moustache. Perhaps if I was famous and needed to avoid weirdo fans. Yeah, I’ll get one when I’m famous.

Lego

Lego

This is everything that a keychain should be. Silver and absolutely pointless. But we love it all the same. To be fair, I am not sure why it has to be silver but hey, I have some fond memories of Lego and this will encourage me to never lose touch with my inner child. Unless I swallow it and choke to death.

The Axe

The Axe

This not only looks cool but it is practical in more ways than one. Does that sound like I’m trying to sell it to you? I’m not, it practically sells itself. I mean, it is a keychain and a bottle opener. I think we all kind of need one.

The Force

The Force

May the keychain be with you... You already want one of these now, don’t you? In fact, I would suggest that you definitely need one. It is awesome. Well it could be….am I going to be disappointed if it doesn’t work?

Air Jordans

Air Jordans

This is a replica of the actual original Air Jordans from way back in the day. It is really cool, especially for those who are able to remember them. What is also cool, is that if you suddenly get small like in Honey I Shrunk The Kids, you’ve got shoes to wear (presuming you get shrunk to the exact right size).

Umbrella

Umbrella

The best thing about an actual umbrella is that (presuming the wind isn’t too crazy) it will shelter you from most of the rain. But it is an absolute pain in the butt to carry. Which is why this is confusing – it’s an umbrella that serves no purpose.

Candy Keychain

Candy Keychain

This is one of those that seems awesome in theory but then you begin to realise that it is perhaps more of a curse than anything else. I mean, I would be continuously trying to eat my keychain. I know it’s not real now but I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

Mixtape

Mixtape

This is awesome. If you were a child of the 80s then you will be familiar with mixtapes and tapes in general. It’s too easy now with technology. There used to be some actual effort and care taken with compiling a mixtape. This will remind you of that awesomeness.

Sushi

Sushi

Japanese people have become very good at making things smaller whilst still retaining its intricacy. I mean, bonsai plants are a great example. Yeah, and those hole in the wall hotels. This is merely another awesome example. Probably.

Nasal

Nasal

Okay so this is disgusting. This keychain could not be any more juvenile and surely only appeals to the most immature amongst us. That could be why I reckon it’s totally awesome. I should probably get one.

Nintendo

Nintendo

These are pretty awesome keychains however, if you were the pessimistic type, you might suggest that all they would do is serve to remind you how much time you wasted in your younger years. But always look on the bright side of life…

Burger

Burger

This is one of the biggest miniature burgers you are ever likely to see. Does that even make sense? Having this keychain would be no good for me as it would act like suggestive advertising and I’d end up morbidly obese.

Duff

Duff

Did you ever see Homer Simpson use a keychain? Presumably he would have needed the services of a key in order to start his car and then, in turn, a keychain to keep his key on. Maybe he had one like this.